Her voice broke on the second syllable.
I had imagined that moment hundreds of times after finding her letter.
Sometimes I hugged her.
Sometimes I screamed.
Sometimes I told her she was too late.
What actually happened was simpler.
I asked,
“Why didn’t you come get me?”
Rachel started crying.
She did not reach toward me.
That mattered.
She let me decide the distance.
“I tried,” she said. “Not enough at first. Then harder. Then through lawyers. Then every way I knew how. Your father kept telling me you refused to see me.”
“Did you believe him?”
“For a while.”
That hurt.
She nodded as if she understood exactly why.
“I was sick after the divorce,” she continued. “I was depressed. I had panic attacks. I spent six weeks in treatment. Your father used that to convince me that fighting immediately would hurt you more. I agreed to let you stay with him while I recovered. That was my decision, and I have to live with it.”
Thomas looked away.